February 19

Sentence corrections

Vocabulary quiz

The main thing I need to see today (10 participation points) is a specific thesis and three topic sentences for supporting paragraphs.  I'm not requiring a detailed outline, but you've got to do this to make sure that your essay is focused.  Here are some focused ideas for essays.  You could easily turn one of them into a thesis.
PICK ONE so that your essay is focused.

• Personal growth makes people happy
• relationships and family  makes people happy
• service makes people happy--community
• being physically active and doing things makes people happy
• focusing your mind on important things makes people happy (more specific version of personal growth)
• Hardship (remember the woman who was run over) makes people happy
• love makes people happy
• Creating works of art makes people happy
• OTHER

You get the idea.  And then you need to figure out what your three paragraphs will be.

YOUR STEP ONE OF REVISION

Once you've finished your rough draft, you'll need to go back to make sure that you have a specific thesis.  Often (most of the time) you need to refocus your thesis after you've finished writing.  After you've refocused, most of the things you originally wrote about will stay pretty much the same, but usually you'll need to do the following:

1. Rewrite thesis
2. Add  one sentence per paragraph tying ideas in with thesis ("and so we see that service makes people happy" (or whatever).  Usually this is the last sentence of the paragraph.
3. Add another entire paragraph dealing with a new example that develops your main point
4. Cut a paragraph that doesn't relate to your new thesis
5. You could another sentence per paragraph to further explain how your example supports your thesis

Today you are going to refine your rough draft and then exchange with another student. 

DO THE FOLLOWING:
ON YOUR OWN
1. Double underline your thesis.  Be sure that it is focused and specific. Revise your thesis.
2. Single underline the topic sentences of each paragraph.
3. Put a star in the margin next to the sentence in the paragraph that explains how your example supports the thesis. (You'll have three stars)
4. Put a happy face in the margin next to your most insightful sentence.
THEN EXCHANGE PAPERS AND PROOFREAD YOUR PARTNER'S ESSAY
5. Reader proofreads essay marking punctuation and spelling in at least 5 spots.  If you can't find 5, put question marks next to spots that you're not sure about the punctuation or places where a better word could maybe be used.
6. Then write 1 paragraph giving your impressions of the essay.  Mention one positive as well as one thing that you think could be done differently.